"send me away with the words of a love song..."

I couldn't help myself from feeling discontent with the strain between my heart, my head, and common sense.  It's kinda funny how the three would seemingly go hand in hand but more often [in my life at least] contradict themselves.  Throughout my day of running, talking with friends and family, driving, watching TV..I was distracted by what has been something I've struggled with the last 6 months... My heart says "love", my mind says "push away", and common sense says "be happy with what you have"  how am I suppose to decide? Do I decide?


I am torn between guarding my heart and trusting God, or totally ruining a potentially good thing...but is it already ruined? My head is swimming with what ifs and maybes and confusion of all sort...my mind is not at rest...definitely not content either.  I've poured my prayers and tears into this...and I feel broken by something that I thought God was totally encouraging.  I guess while my intentions were good I was not in tune to God's sovereign voice telling me to guard my heart.  So at this point...until I know where God is [heart, mind, or common sense or all three] I can repent for my carelessness, and pray that God is even more prevalent in the situation. I pray he reminds me of my first true love, Jesus Christ, and makes all my joy come from Him!


Tomorrow's goal is to forget about everything I think or feel and to solely seek God in His word about this, and pray earnestly that God would take away any false feelings or thoughts and replace them with peace and contentment with reminders of His faithfulness and goodness in my life.  I hope it doesn't mean losing my best friend, but if that is the cross I have to carry then I need to know that it was no where near the price of Jesus dying for my sin.  


My sin has contributed to my despair but has also made me weak and that is good apparently :
      [   "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  2Corinthians 12:9  ]


Not everyone is going to understand what this blog post was about, and that is okay...because the one person that does know...matters that much


until next time...